Saturday, 28 March 2015

9 Things You Can Get for the Price of a University Education

Thanks to the wondrous creation that was the coalition government, tuition fees sky-rocketed in the UK from £3,000 to £9,000 a year. So I am currently preparing to be £27,000 in debt after my three year course. To put things in perspective, here's 9 things you can buy for £27,000 or less in no order. Why 9 and not 10? Put simply, it's because I like to push the norms, be radical and question the boundaries of society. I also couldn't think of a 10th thing so....

1.  Put a deposit on a house

Start early and put a deposit down on a quaint little house or flat. Yes it'll be hard to maintain, yes you'll have to pay a mortgage but nothing screams 'adult' like the wild nights of watching TV on the sofa and doing the chores. Party Town, population: YOU

2. A (used) Porsche

While 27 grand is not enough to buy you the latest model, you can still look mighty fly as you pull up in your slightly old, possibly slightly stained Porsche. You'll be the talk of the town as your neighbours see you rollin' and consequently they be hatin'. If you're not in the mood for a Porsche, you could just buy a few random cars just for the hell of it. Go for it, big waster spender.


3. Lifetime supply of Ben & Jerry's

There is no problem in the world that can't be solved by a good, decent pot of ice-cream. So surely the more ice-cream, the better your life? Makes perfect sense. Look you'll just have a lot of ice-cream and that's a good thing. That's what I'm getting at here.


4. Travel the world

Forget gap years, how about a gap LIFE? Turn from uncultivated caterpillar to cultured, knowledgeable butterfly. That trip to Asia really 'enlightened' you, did it? After your brilliant tour of the world, you always have the opportunity to come back home to impart your spiritual knowledge on those who are forced willing to listen to it.


If you're more musically inclined like myself (yes I am a music snob, I shall now proceed to hang my head in shame) then you're impartial to a good gig or two. In this case, you'll be able to go to a good few...oh I dunno, say HUNDREDS of festivals?  You'll be an expert on surviving the moshing and lack of hygiene - it's SO edgy, it's so now.

(Yes I did just use a SpongeBob gif, deal with it)

6. Mingle with your favourite celebs

Considering £27,000 would be approximately $40,000 you could hire celebs from the likes of Bastille, All Time Low and Two Door Cinema Club. If you were hosting a Super Sweet 16 party, your 'mates' would be flying off the walls at this point and since you can't buy friends, why not buy the things they love?!

7. Build an intergalactic empire

Considering you can buy stars nowadays for a small fee you could invest in a niche type of 'property' development and buy the whole friggin' galaxy. It's better than building an empire on Earth - less emotions.Who knows, maybe you could be the next Caesar of the sky. (I am so copyrighting that phrase, no shame here...) Just don't get too big for your toga, 'ya hear?

  You're minted. This is self-explanatory, really.

9. LITERALLY make it rain

Let's face it we've all used the phrase "make it rain" in the hopes that someone will miraculously shove a pile of notes in our face saying "go on then, put your money where your mouth is" (c'mon that was a good one). With all this new found money you can actually make it rain and do a cute little Tina Fey dance while you're at it. It's all goooood.


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